10 Names to use next time you’re at Starbucks

By: Darcy Tellier

Intro:

Have you ever orderd a coffee from Starbucks and got all tongue twisted when they asked you for your name?

It happens to the best of us. We would first ask ourselves if we should we use our real name or if we should use a fake name. Choosing the fake name is always the fun option because just for that small window of time, you can be somebody else. This option could very well make your baristas day.

Just so you do not get tongue twisted the next time you go get coffee, here are 10 cool fake names that you can use.

#10-Jim Lahey

This name hilarious to use because in the show trailer park boys, Jim Lahey is the portrayed not only as the main villain of the show, but is also a super crazy alcoholic trailer park supervisor who obsess over catching main heroes of the show; Ricky, Julian and Bubbles who commit illegal acts just for the satisfaction of sending them to prison.  Most of the time our heroes narrowly escape getting arrested, although sometimes Mr.Lahey gets his way and wins.

Why is it funny?

Throughout, several occasions in the series our hero Ricky uses the name Jim Lahey as an alias whenever he is doing something illegal, or when he’s trying to talk his way out with the cops. If you are a fan of the show, it is a perfect name to get your coffee.

#9- Nathan Explosion

Lyrics: http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/dethklok/thedethalbum.html#17

Nathan explosion is the front man of a fictional metal band called dethklok, featured in Adultswim’s tv show Metalocalypse. In the show’s universe, there is a coffee chain that is sponsored by the band. The chain resembles a cross between Duncan donuts and Starbucks. Throughout the series, the band promotes the company by doing concerts which always seems to end terribly because many of their fans get killed at their concerts.

Why?

Nathan Explosion considers coffee the blackest, darkest and most metal thing ever created. Also Nathan explosion sounds cool when it said out loud.  There are other names you can use from the show such as other band mates Toki Wartooth,Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Murderface, Pickles the drummer, and the occasionally recurring character dr. Roxo the rock and roll clown.

#8- The color of your underwear.

Use a prefix such as Dr. Plus the colour of your underwear.

Just consider it your very own personal inside joke.

#7- Sempai /Onii-San / Onii-Chan

If you’re feeling a little weebo today, for a very short moment turn that poor barista girl into your own personal waifu. In this category you will have several options available. You could always go with the classic sempai. Which is a Japanese word that describes someone who is slightly more senior than you.  But why stop there?

Why not take it a little further. Why not get the barista to call you onii-chan “big brother”, or onii-san “big sister.” I have personally gotten a few good laughs from this one myself and I would recommend it to any hardcore anime fans.  I once got a really kwaii (“cute”) chibi character drawn on my cup. It made my day.

#6- Beetlejuice

If you are a fan of Tim Burton, why not use the name of the characters he has created? Nothing is more badass then ordering coffee as Swinney Todd, Edward scissors-hand, and jack Squeleton. If you really want to have a good laugh. Just hide out and wait until someone says the name 3 times. If you do not get the gag then you really need to watch Tim burton’s cult classic Beetlejuice.

#5-use a dead celebrity’s name

Why not become Elvis, Tupac, Michael Jackson, Celion Dion. Kidding she’s not dead. There is also Kurt Cobain, Robin William, and prince.

#4- Religious figures/ gods

#3- Harry ball-Sonia

Use a name that sounds dirty when said out loud. If you cannot think of a good one, you can get a good one from this site. http://www.dirtysounding.com/

After reading through that website, I’ve decided to use the name Kareem Oliver DaBeli the next time I go to starbucks.

#2- Pokémon name/ Videogame character/ Superhero name

Why not order with the name of your favorite Pokémon, videogame character, or superhero? Why not become a Charmander? If Pokémon is not your thing, why not become sonic the hedgehog? If all else fails there is always batman.

#1- Spartacus

The best cup joke that I have seen in a Starbucks was the poor barista girl calling out Spartacus. When a man stood up and said “yes, that’s me, I am Spartacus”, immediately, another man stands up and says “no I’m Spartacus”. Starbucks coffee cup name statistics suggests that this is one is one of the more popular gags that occur.

#0- Get the barista to draw an octopus instead.

Sometimes when the Barista asks for your name, just tell her to draw an octopus instead.

Until next time…

Skål !

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